On Thursday, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) released a six-page proposal for her much-ballyhooed Green New Deal. Before so much as reading it, presumably, Senator Kamala Harris (D-CA), who happens to be a 2020 presidential frontrunner, endorsed it:
— Kamala Harris (@KamalaHarris) February 7, 2019
She should have read it.
Whoever wrote the proposal is, to put it kindly, dense. Idiotic. Moronic. Even Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) found herself unable to pretend to take it seriously; she said she hadn’t seen it yet, but “it’s enthusiastic and I appreciate the enthusiasm.” This, not coincidentally, is precisely what I say when I find out that my 2-year-old son has used his magic markers on his bedroom wall. When Nancy Pelosi has to pat you on the head and tell you that your picture of a doggie – which, for the record, looks like a blob with three legs and a spaghetti sauce stain – is just great honey, you’re in trouble.
She added that the Green New Deal “will be one of several or maybe many suggestions that we receive. The green dream or whatever they call it nobody knows what it is but they’re for it, right?”
For her part, AOC seems to know that she can’t declare war on Pelosi without the cagey veteran nuking her. “I don’t consider that to be a dismissive term. I think it’s a great term,” the farcical 29-year-old former bartender-turned-Congresswoman eagerly said. To which New York Post columnist Karol Markowicz correctly tweeted, “Oh, honey.”
How bad is the Green New Deal paper? Putting aside the fact that, as written, it would receive a C+ in any high school English class, it essentially articulates a magical world in which the skies rain chocolate, the world is powered by unicorn farts, and AOC dances through the gumdrop meadows to Lisztomania. The proposal calls for the United States to be free of carbon emissions within 10 years without the use of nuclear power. It calls for every building in the United States to be replaced or retrofitted in green fashion. It calls for universal healthcare, free college education, the replacement of airplanes with high-speed trains, charging stations “everywhere” (this is the sort of exactness the proposal contains), replacement of “every combustion-engine vehicle,” government-provided jobs, family and medical leave, vacations, retirement security, and the abolition of “farting cows.” It also calls for total “economic security” for anyone “unable or unwilling to work.”
Whether AOC plans to chain up billionaires and work them against their will or simply engage in anti-billionaire dekulakization remains to be seen. After all, somebody will have to pay for this.
Or not. According to AOC, nobody will have to pay for this – like a timeshare you bought on the Big Island of Hawaii in 1997, this thing will pay for itself! This is a direct quote: “At the end of the day, this is an investment in our economy that should grow our wealth as a nation, so the question isn’t how we will pay for it, but what will we do with our new shared prosperity.”
The question, guys, isn’t how to pay for the Fyre Festival – it’s what we’ll do with the free drinks, the beautiful cabanas, and the epic memories we’ll create together!
I correct myself: my two-year-old son could come up with a better, more realistic proposal than this one. It’s not actually much of a competition.
But, we’ve been told, AOC is the Fresh Face™ of the Democratic Party – So Fresh, So Face. Sadly, the intellectual content that emanates from that fresh face is indistinguishable from the product of the cows she seeks to abolish.